Every parent wants a well-behaved kid, but the “secret” isn’t magic – it’s positive parenting. Both research and the American Academy of Pediatrics emphasize teaching good behaviour rather than punishing bad behavior. In fact, studies show that yelling, bribery or spanking don’t teach self-control – they may actually increase aggression. Instead, focus on these positive strategies:
Model Calm, Consistent Discipline:
Use a calm tone and lead by example. The AAP advises “show and tell” – model the behavior you want. For instance, say please and thank you, and calmly redirect the child when needed. Set clear, simple rules and explain them in child-friendly terms. Children thrive on consistency: if one day mess-ups earn playtime and the next earn punishment, kids get confused. Keep rules steady (“Books stay on the shelf,” “No hitting”), explain consequences calmly, and always follow through.
Catch “Good” and Praise It:
The most powerful discipline tool is positive attention. When your child does something helpful or kind, notice it immediately. Say something specific: “I love how you put all your toys away before supper!”. Such praise makes them feel proud and motivates them to repeat the behaviour.
Use Natural Consequences:
When safe to do so, let natural outcomes teach lessons. For example, if your child throws down cookies, they simply run out of snacks. If they scream and are moved away from the game, they miss playtime. Ignoring minor misbehavior (when it’s safe) can let kids see the result of their choices – often the quickest lesson of all. No yelling required: the consequence (no cookies left) does the teaching.
Plan Ahead & Redirect:
Anticipate trouble spots by prepping in advance. Before a public outing, remind your child of expected behavior: “At the store, we use quiet voices.” If boredom strikes (and bad behavior follows), have a backup activity ready: “Let’s count license plates” or “Can you find something blue outside?” These small distractions work wonders. Redirection is a science: it addresses the cause (boredom, energy) rather than just punishing the symptom.
Teach Rather Than Scold:
When misbehavior happens, address it calmly and age-appropriately. Instead of shaming (“You’re so naughty!”), explain why the behavior is wrong and what to do instead. For example, “Running inside is dangerous because you could get hurt. Next time, we will walk slowly.” This reinforces understanding. Remember, we want to guide our kids, not break their spirit.
Conclusion:
Underlying all these is a loving connection. Children learn best when they feel secure and connected to caregivers. So spend time listening, hugging, and validating feelings. If your child feels respected and understood, cooperation comes naturally. Harsh punishments (yelling, spanking, threats) don’t work and can harm development. By consistently using gentle guidance and positive feedback, you’ll raise a well-behaved, confident child – without ever needing bribes or screaming.
Bibliography:
American Academy of Pediatrics (n.d.). “What’s the Best Way to Discipline My Child?” HealthyChildren.org. https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/communication-discipline/Pages/Disciplining-Your-Child.aspx
First 5 California (n.d.). “Positive Discipline Techniques That Work.”http://www.first5california.com/Portals/0/Content/Parents/ParentingTips/Positive%20Discipline%20Techniques%20that%20Work.pdf
(AAP policy on discipline, 2018). “Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children.” Pediatrics, 142(6). https://doi.org/10.1542/peds.2017-3059