Little ones often balk at “owning up” to mistakes. But learning responsibility is a crucial skill – and it doesn’t require shaming or threats. In fact, overprotective parenting (sometimes called “snowplow parenting”) teaches children to dodge accountability: parents keep shielding kids from consequences instead of letting them learn independence.
To foster accountability, try these positive steps:
Give Them Space:
If you constantly tell your child what to do (“Put on your coat,” “Finish your homework”), they may not realize they can make choices on their own. Sociologist Christine Carter notes that when kids have every move scripted, they never see themselves as in control. Instead, let your child attempt age-appropriate tasks without stepping in. When they feel some ownership (“I got myself dressed!”), they’re more likely to own the outcome.
Stop “Saving the Day”:
Don’t rush to fix their mistakes. If a child forgets a lunch, let it go (or give a quick fix only after a brief “I’m sorry” to the teacher). If they spill milk, have them clean it up. As parenting expert Dr. Carter says, kids need to “blow it” occasionally and face the consequences. When they see that mistakes aren’t the end of the world and can be remedied, they learn problem-solving and responsibility.
Model Own-up Talk:
We all slip up. When you mess up, say “I’m sorry” or “My fault.” Use simple phrases like “My bad” without blaming anyone else. For example, “Mommy forgot to put your shoes away – my mistake.” Research warns against adding “but” to apologies (e.g. “I yelled at you because…”); that shifts blame instead of owning it. By openly admitting your mistakes, you teach children that everyone is accountable for their actions.
Give Consequences (No Excuses):
If your child breaks a rule, apply a fair consequence consistently. Parents.com advises against covering for kids – for instance, if a TV episode is skipped because homework was late, don’t hide it from the child. Explain calmly what happens (e.g. “We didn’t have time for TV today because you spent extra time on homework”), and stick to it. Over time, kids learn that actions have predictable outcomes.
Repeat and Coach:
When your child still tries to blame others, gently point it out and coach them to find solutions. As accountability coach John Miller suggests, give them another chance and a nudge: “You forgot to do your chore again. What could we do differently next time?” This helps them practice taking responsibility. The goal is guiding, not scolding.
Conclusion:
These steps take patience, but they build confident children. By consistently requiring ownership (and modeling it yourself), kids learn to make amends and fix problems rather than dodge them. As one child development specialist notes, kids often fib or blame out of fear of punishment, not malice – so remove the fear. Emphasize effort and improvement, and soon your child will catch on: taking responsibility is the easy way to avoid trouble in the long run.
Bibliography:
Glembocki, Vicki (September 13, 2024). “How To Teach Your Kids To Own Their Mistakes.” Parents.com. https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/style/teach-kids-own-mistakes/
Gupta, Sanjana (August 8, 2023). “Snowplow Parenting: Signs, Impact, and How to Avoid It.” Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/snowplow-parenting-signs-impact-and-how-to-avoid-it-7566895